Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
