dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
