so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
