Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
