I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
