His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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