the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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