i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
