I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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