New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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