dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
