I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize