The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
