we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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