Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
