I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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