grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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