Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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