After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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