I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize