Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
