I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
