can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
