wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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