There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
