I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
