bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
