guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
