I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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