so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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