The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
