He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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