I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
