We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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