Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
