Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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