i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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