Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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