I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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