Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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