I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
