everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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