when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
