well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi