how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.