Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?

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  (310): what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'? http://tfl.nu/9kgd
  Replies (95) Good night (2049) Bad night (3232)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.

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  (920): good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs. http://tfl.nu/xjrr
  Replies (37) Good night (3650) Bad night (1127)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore

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  (410): I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore http://tfl.nu/l2tw
  Replies (33) Good night (873) Bad night (2278)
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  (626): View more from California

  that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.

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  (626): that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress. http://tfl.nu/stra
  Replies (21) Good night (761) Bad night (5110)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

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  (404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are. http://tfl.nu/yq64
  Replies (9) Good night (7052) Bad night (1245)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.

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  (623): My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck. http://tfl.nu/ymmz
  Replies (24) Good night (4374) Bad night (2161)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.

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  (204): There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed. http://tfl.nu/gq2o
  Replies (4) Good night (2488) Bad night (818)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Wanna skype?

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.

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  (425): Wanna skype? (1-425): Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no. http://tfl.nu/gc87
  Replies (7) Good night (2395) Bad night (873)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches

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  (604): You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches http://tfl.nu/88ib
  Replies (4) Good night (674) Bad night (1283)
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  (310): View more from California

  I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.

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  (310): I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient. http://tfl.nu/0squ
  Replies (1) Good night (1268) Bad night (456)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  That dog was the best thing i ever touched

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  (636): That dog was the best thing i ever touched http://tfl.nu/rr6d
  Replies (8) Good night (874) Bad night (607)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him

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  (813): You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him http://tfl.nu/hong
  Replies (5) Good night (1572) Bad night (564)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?

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  (919): I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent? http://tfl.nu/tgod
  Replies (3) Good night (852) Bad night (347)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards

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  (563): Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards http://tfl.nu/qcuz
  Replies (3) Good night (1001) Bad night (264)
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  (209): View more from California

  Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?

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  (209): Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery? http://tfl.nu/cvq8
  Replies (8) Good night (454) Bad night (270)

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