We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
