if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER