Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"

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  (310): She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane" http://tfl.nu/g45q
  Replies (7) Good night (2102) Bad night (833)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich

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  (773): Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich http://tfl.nu/iski
  Replies (32) Good night (793) Bad night (2069)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Thank you Grey Goose.

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  (703): By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out. (703): Thank you Grey Goose. http://tfl.nu/neos
  Replies (18) Good night (778) Bad night (2273)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  yet...

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  (732): nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug. (732): Needless to say there is no second date for this girl. (862): yet... http://tfl.nu/och4
  Replies (44) Good night (855) Bad night (6167)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

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  (706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy
  Replies (83) Good night (17625) Bad night (1963)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston

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  (407): Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston http://tfl.nu/rb3u
  Replies (5) Good night (2049) Bad night (853)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down

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  (+44): i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down http://tfl.nu/7vyc
  Replies (4) Good night (2777) Bad night (701)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.

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  (303): He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts. http://tfl.nu/jof7
  Replies (8) Good night (1046) Bad night (1755)
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  (916): View more from California

  He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.

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  (916): He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head. http://tfl.nu/7dxe
  Replies (12) Good night (631) Bad night (4702)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"

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  (402): The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?" http://tfl.nu/ovas
  Replies (11) Good night (663) Bad night (1365)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check

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  (936): Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check http://tfl.nu/ivap
  Replies (4) Good night (756) Bad night (385)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.

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  (330): Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success. http://tfl.nu/8tcw
  Replies (2) Good night (864) Bad night (336)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.

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  (314): I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault. (1-314): Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/fjsh
  Replies (5) Good night (1304) Bad night (658)
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  (714): View more from California

  I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)

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  (714): I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :) http://tfl.nu/j4k1
  Replies (3) Good night (699) Bad night (207)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"

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  (203): You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?" http://tfl.nu/cv6m
  Replies (6) Good night (689) Bad night (261)

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