I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
