so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
