after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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