peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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