I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Boobs are out for the taking
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize