The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
