Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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