Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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