think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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