i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
