I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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