I faked an abortion last night.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize