Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
FUCK WHALES
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
