You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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