i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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