Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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