I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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