I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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