I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
