i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
