Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
