is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
