She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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