Taylor Swift is so right about you.
one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
