I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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