its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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