I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
