i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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