That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
