i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
