Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
