i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
