i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
