can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
